Briarlight's Death and Guilt
by Tigercry
Summary: Briarlight's held survivor's guilt since she was a kit when Honeyfern died instead of her. Now, as she's dying what will she tell Jayfeather? She doesn't want to leave him, but in her heart she knows she never will and is always with him, annoying him with her chatter, amusing him with her games, and helping him with the herbs.


**_I apologize about the story being in code before, I don't know why it keeps doing that!_**

Briarkit stared at the convulsing she-cat in front of her. 'What have I done?!'

"Help me!" Honeyfern cried, "My blood's on fire!" Briarkit watched the blood trickle down the golden she-cat's snake bite in her shoulder, she watched it make it's way down to the sandy ground and vanish, leaving a red stain on the ground. 'I… I didn't know.' She stared as the she-cat stopped moving and Berrynose let out a grief filled wail, she kept her amber eyes on the unmoving cat as Leafpool spoke and her mother lifted her by the scruff of the neck.

"She's with Starclan now."

'She's… dead? I'm so sorry Honeyfern! I didn't mean to!' A pitiful mewl came out of Briarkit's mouth, she was feeling overwhelmed, she was just playing, she didn't know about the snake, she didn't know it was there. She felt Millie put her down in her nest in the nursery and starting to lick her anxiously,

"Are you alright Briarkit? Did it hurt you?"

Briarkit just made another mewling sound and huddled against her mother, squeezing her eyes shut to block out the sight of the huddled pile of fur near the rocks. 'I'm sorry! I didn't know the snake was there!'

'I know little one.' Honeyfern touched her nose to the small kit's ear, 'Don't blame yourself, it wasn't your fault.' Briarkit couldn't hear her, her ears ringing with the golden she-cats dying shrieks of pain.

'I'm sorry. Please Starclan, I'm sorry.'

:( :( :( :( :(

Briarlight breathed a raspy breath, feeling Jayfeather's tail fur tickling her nose. She wasn't blind, she knew she wouldn't survive this, the cough had been coming back daily and she wasn't getting any better if anything she was getting worse. Jayfeather and Amberpaw knew this, Jayfeather spent a lot of time hunting for herbs that could help ease a cough, but nothing was working, not even catmint. Amberpaw took charge of caring for the other cats while her mentor tried desperately to heal the paralyzed she-cat that had become his good companion. Briarlight felt a rough tongue start to groom her ears and she cracked open amber eyes, just enough to be able to see the silver tabby paws in front of her. "Hi." She croaked, feebly nudging her nose against the medicine cat's paws.

"Hello Briarlight," The grumpy cat murmured as he washed her pelt with soothing strokes of his tongue. "How're you feeling today?"

"Awful." She croaked in reply, not moving to help him, instead feebly rasping her tongue over her paws, the act of trying to clean her paws a struggle.

"Let me do it, just rest." Jayfeather told her, nudging his nose against her neck fur, "You're going to need your strength if you're going to recover."

"I'm not going to recover Jayfeather," She croaked before being overwhelmed with a coughing fit, she could feel Jayfeather rubbing her chest and she vomited a mouthful of blood, the red liquid clinging to her jaws in tendrils. Jayfeather's fur bristled with worry.

"I'll go get some coltsfoot," He told her but Briarlight put her head down on his paws.

"Just stay." She croaked to him, her ears brushing his legs, "I don't want to be alone."

"But I can get you something to help you recover Briarlight," His tone was worried and desperate, "I don't want you to die. "

"I'll stay as long as I can," She coughed weakly, blood starting to trickle from her jaws as she breathed in shallow breaths, "I don't want to leave you alone." Her amber eyes slid closed and her breathing got shallower.

Jayfeather nudged her face with his nose, "No! Stay awake and with me!" He begged the cheerful she-cat, "You can't leave!"

She coughed feebly before she heaved in a few more breaths, struggling to do as he asked.

'It's your time Briarlight,' She heard a half-forgotten voice say, 'Let go and come with me to Starclan.' She breathed a haggard breath before her breathing stopped after she exhaled for the last time, her open jaws slackening, her body lying motionless.

"Briarlight!" Millie came rushing into the medicine den with a wail, "My beautiful kit!"

Jayfeather lay down next to Briarlight and squeezed his eyes shut, wishing with all his might to visit Starclan's hunting grounds.

He opened his eyes to a starry clearing where a dark brown tabby she-cat with amber eyes was walking towards a golden furred she-cat with sky blue eyes. "Briarlight!" He mewed desperately, "Don't leave!"

The dark brown she-cat turned to face him, her back legs strong and functioning. She bounded over to him and batted at his ears with one paw, "I'll see you again fur ball," She replied fondly, "But I can't stay any longer, it's my turn to join Starclan."

"But-"

"Jay's Wing, let her go." A white she-cat murmured, walking out of the trees, blue eyes understanding, "She can't stay with you any longer."

"That's not true!" Briarlight whirled on the other cat, her long tail brushing Jayfeather's nose, amber eyes flashing dangerously, "Just because I'm not in Thunderclan anymore doesn't mean I'm leaving him! I can visit his dreams and give him signs from Starclan!" She snarled at the white she-cat, "I'm not leaving him forever! I'm not leaving at all! He'll see me in his dreams! I'm not living anymore but that doesn't mean I'm abandoning him!" The kind and cheerful she-cat snarled, her fur bristling from the strength of the belief she held in her words. She turned to Jayfeather, amber eyes gentle and kind, "I'm not leaving you Jayfeather," She pushed her nose into the fur on his chest, "I'm still there, just right here," She nuzzled his fur where his heart would be, amber eyes shining, "You have a lot to do in Thunderclan, I'll help you as much as I can, I promise I'm not leaving you, I'll always be there."

Jayfeather watched her as she bounded over to the golden furred she-cat who spoke softly, "It wasn't your fault Briarlight."

"I understand that know Honeyfern, thank you for saving me. I can finally get rid of my guilt" Briarlight purred,

"You had a lot to do and fulfill young one." Honeyfern purred in return, "Go say your goodbyes, he'll see you in Starclan one day."

Briarlight bounded back to Jayfeather and pushed her muzzle against his, amber eyes shining with joy, sadness, hope, and love. "I love you Jayfeather," She purred loudly, "don't be a grumpy old badger all the time ok? The clan needs you." She nuzzled her nose against his cheek before turning and dashing off after Honeyfern into the trees.

Jayfeather opened his eyes, grief heavy in his heart, he buried his nose into his now dead patient's fur, after a moment he lifted his head, blind blue eyes anguished, "She's gone, she's with Starclan now. She left us." He felt a familiar presence and felt someone nose his ear, and felt breath on that ear

'I never left Jayfeather, I'm always with you, don't grieve too much, I'll see you in your dreams.'


End file.
